The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
