you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
