My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
