Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
home. puking in laundry basket.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Randomize
