I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize