So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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