I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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