Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
