Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Randomize
