you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
