Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just google imaged poop.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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