If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
