If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
we're so committed to being not committed
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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