he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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