I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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