Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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