Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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