Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
