And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
