there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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