she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
