Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
