If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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