I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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