when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
