Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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