Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
