dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
