GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
