Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
