weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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