During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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