She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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