I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I puked a lego.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
