Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
