I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
