OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
