if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
