I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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