Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
