I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
