there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
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