i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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