remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
