We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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