Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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