I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
