your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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