Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
