its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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