Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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