you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so let's talk penis.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
