We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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