brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
