I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
