i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
