it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Boobs speak an international language.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
