there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
