my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
