I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's shark week go big or go home
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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