I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
then he tried to convert me to islam
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
