Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
