Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I wear drunk well.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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