i permit you to call me
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
