I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I need water and some morals
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
