Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize