I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
