I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
