Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
