I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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